Monday, December 29, 2008

mmmmmmmm.. okay

Quiet, NYC is so quiet. Things are still very frantic, in regards to the pace. But I feel like everyone is tired somehow...

Inside, I am so tired. Definitely not complaining, but I feel like I've lived hundreds upon hundreds of years. I am at the age where I do see history repeat, and it isn't really predictable, but when it happens, I'm like stupified...Is time flying that fast? It's relative isn't it. These stupid wars, racist crap, all of this stupid anger, repeating.... when I was younger..I had no idea I'd grow to see the world like this... I had such a silly vision of what life would be like.. it was all great thoughts...

There's a song that April March made in like 1999 or 2000 called Nothing New...
Now i understand...
Here's the song if you wanna take a listen

For the first time, I drove through NYC and Long Island and didn't feel Holiday Cheer at all. There were lights up...but not really. I didn't see the lights up in long island either. There wasn't much to look at driving down Merrick Road or Atlantic Avenue. smiles at all! WTF is going on... like at least during Christmas time, people smiled more... you know? I guess this year kind of? But maybe since I'm traveling through Manhattan that is not a great example or place to get a smile haha..

Anyways.. I am big on holidays when it comes to the tradition of being peaceful and bringing family together... I feel that we've been on the planet for so long and still we haven't really gotten it right... family and community are so important when the relationships are virtuous. Life her feels so sick... it's crazy how being human and having the emotion to love is something in life I'm not even so happy about.. haha Maybe it's because people don't know how anymore...I feel I do.. but I also feel people think I'm so effin weird for it.. that makes me sick to the stomach some days... like why criticize me for you being an a$$hole squared? u

I don't feel that energy in NYC anymore... the city is still very much alive but I am not sure what's missing anymore...not to mention the distribution of wealth here is non existent and the youth are exposed to things at such a young age, that I am not sure how many years of innocence they do experience...

to wrap this up... maybe it's just interpersonal behavior.. do people even want to be nice to each other...ever? If not, then why the eff not? Nice doesn't mean being fake either but I'm talking about showing genuine respect all all levels of interaction. Thank yous, excuse mes etc... I am not begging for this to happen but... eh.. lo que sea...

I am thankful for my health and the mind I have, many times I feel that it is pretty strong but during situations where I feel overwhelmed, I just get to escape into my mind and create... this gets tiring because you can only escape so much before you start to stand and fight right?

fight or flight?

so what form does my fight take on?

G.A.ME was my first form of the fight.. i wonder what will be next

While I am pondering this, I realized I have to read more, despite me not being a fan of negative news, i have to catch i'm on my job in regards to reading the paper and many news sites, to learn more about the situations of the world... in addition i will have a book to read every month for now on.. at least 12 books read a year isn't bad right? ;-)
It'll be great exercise for the mind. I wonder if this venting is a sign to the universe that I do not appreciate what is here for me.

I am thankful. I just want everyone else to be thankful too.


Anonymous said...

"I don't feel that energy in NYC anymore... the city is still very much alive but I am not sure what's missing anymore"

Yeah, I agree. Well, NYC was never really the cuddliest place in the world (except maybe right after 9/11), but now it's pretty uncool too on top of it all. It's hard to not get cynical right now.

I salute you for trying to love anyway. It takes courage and a big heart to do that.

I'm enjoying your blog. Keep going! ;)

MeccaGodZilla said...

Oh goodness.. ur right.. the bronx, brooklyn, etc.. not so cuddly now or even back then. I just thought things would be different somehow u know?

When I find the reset button, best believe I will push it at least 10 times so we can all start over.

Steph... thank you for the encouragement... i figure once a month for now..until.. i am sure the next one will be happier ;-)