Saturday, January 31, 2009

these are the breaks...break it up, break it up, break it uuuuup

Man, almost 3 years in the game with my partner in crime and we call it quits.

Lord knows how much I can be in love and show it... For this time, I totally felt like me being who I am slowly destroyed who she truly was. I am so sad about this point because I am not here to hurt anyone yet I did so with such ease just being me. I feel terrible. I try not to even question why.

Starting over is the hardest thing. You know how your body's so agile and fluid when you're working out for years consistently. Then one day you fall off and you don't work out for like 4 months straight... maybe you get sick or something right? You gain wait, lose flexibility.. whatever the case may be. Then the challenge is.. "Can I get it back?" Like can you really get back in shape and get back out there and push yourself. This is how I feel about love and finding someone new. It's really effin hard. Do you really need someone new? Like what's the purpose? Then it's like aight, I do want to share this energy with someone, but then it's all the bullshit layers of previous heartbreak. I have to gather the pieces and put them together, recreate them into the precious emotional vase that was broken prior to me even stepping foot in the room. I gotta put it all back together and not break it...

My ex girl was precious. She was unique. She never lied. She never cheated. She worked out. She cooked. She cared. She always gave up the affection. She was considerate. She was always on time. She quit cigarettes a few weeks after I met her because I told her she was too beautiful to be slowly killing herself. She listened and totally quit. She listened to me always. She was focused. She wanted a family. She wanted the family with me. She encouraged me even though she had such a hard time with my past hip hop history due to the people I was around. She actually started believing in some sort of creative energy( A Godlike being ) after being with me. She was holding down everything here in NYC by herself. 100% independent.

Was I even prepared or as prepared as I really felt I've been? Am I even a good person? I was totally thinking of deleting my name from history as RAVAGE and keeping the name MeccaGodZilla and Ryu Black. RAVAGE means to destroy even though I totally flipped the meaning to be Restoring Artists Vision And Growth Everywhere! But maybe I still destroyed her. I feel like such a sucker.

I don't think I'm venturing back out into the field. I love to play hard... I just don't know if there is anyone I can trust that wants to play fair haha. The Hip Hop business fueled by these 48 Laws of Power sap suckers proved to me that people can and will lie to you right in the eye and smile and make you try to believe that sh*t. I know people do this everyday regardless if they're down with hip hop. But I'll never forget how bad the lies were and how convincingly some mother effin jerk tried to make me believe it!

Yo... I've dealt with this with some women in the past... Maybe they will tell some tiny white lies...maybe none at all and they'll be straight up.. shoot... I dropped the baton... for the most part with my ex.. I was accepted... and appreciated. Now I can think about how long it took me to sort through the madness of women out their to find that one really precious medal. I found my ex and then totally lost her. Just lost her in the mix. Just totally let go. Do I believe there is anyone else out there...? These breaks make room for something new right? right???

Sh@t! Now I'm thinking the future comes down to, will someone make fun of me and not take me serious because I am kind? I walk around with a lot of parents were kind..this is where I get it from. If you're from NYC you know this doesn't fly well with the make up of NYC. You can be kind for sure, and be the "kind" of meal niggas will eat up so fast and not think twice about sh*tting out later. I got kicked outta the ship early, with a virtuous sword, in shark infested waters. hehe.. A Sword of Virtue in the hand treading water in terrible waters, trying to make it to land but totally having to defend too, while swimming. Such a powerful weapon but how effective can it be in the deep blue sea when you are treading/swimming water at the same time. I have to get to land to rebuild the foundation...I have to hurry yo.

I will think about this for the longest time... I was meant to learn from this. This lesson probably didn't start hurting until I finished writing this blog today...

In japanese her name means Beautiful Child. I feel like I destroyed a beautiful child and for that... I will seek forgiveness. Aishteru beautiful child..

Enjoy the words and the groove of the below video.. I chopped up some sonic history to recreate it. This is what my soul sounds like. Maybe my vibe can bond again with another in the future.. until then...I'm gonna purify my mind and rebuild

Friday, January 30, 2009

My 1st visit to Japan

A Dream Not Deferred
FALL 2005

Written by RAVAGE aka MeccaGodZilla

I come from a kinda that faces more hurdles than long distance steeple chase runners. The span of 2004 to 2005 broiled incredible challenges for me. I am by no means wealthy and all my peers here know how bad we're struggling. My body and mind needed something drastically different. There are many days myself and many like me nightmarishly awaken to a "grimm" picture of poverty, discouragement and struggle. That being the ultimate fuel to subsist along with the help of Kwote Scriptures and Easy Escapes Travel (big up Michele), let's just say I found myself overseas in Nihon, known to the west as Japan, this past August 2005 for 7 days of "Some Kind Of Wonderful!"

My Day By Day associate, Divine Life (, an emcee and producer extraordinaire that now resides in Japan, was more than gracious enough to put me in touch with Japan's most incredible artists and personalities shortly after our quest from the airport on the bullet train to Shinagawa, where my hotel was. Yes, the bullet train is sickness. I noticed right away that the cats on the train taking tickets were dressed better then half the American airplane pilots. Those jobs are SERIOUS. One queen was on the train serving drinks and I got my first real good taste of how beautiful Japanese woman are. Immediately off the plane, the impact of being lost in translation was overwhelming and cleansing at the same time for everything was so foreign, the sounds were dissimilar; the language was so beautiful and the writing, all the celestial kanji characters. I had to force myself to confront.

One thing that was cool was that once I reached my destination in Shinagawa, American culture could still be seen all over! Many may not agree, but I was flattered to see the Japanese youth sporting braids, dreads, baggy clothes and tan skin. The youth there seemed to mix elements of American culture to create a new derivative of self expression. I still remember walking with Divine to make rounds in Shibuya, things there, in such a busy city, were so slow!! In NYC my pace is much quicker when I walk through, but in Shibuya and Shinagawa, things are just nice and easy, nice and slow. Very busy, but far from frantic. We frequently checked in with Monohon Recordings who showed nothing but love and gratitude. The gifts of music and t-shirts to me, being a new face and foreigner, were really dope and I give thanks!

When not chilling with Divine, I frequently communicated with fam back home notably MF GRIMM to strategize powerful moves. Since Japan is a day ahead of NYC I got to celebrate my birthday twice (August 13th). Once in Club Bed with Osamu, A.I., DJ Bunken and many other powerful artists and the very next day, early evening at a Monohon In store at HMV Japan, followed by Club Eggman and then with Large Professor at Club Duo.

Let's just say my birthday was 48 hours of madness. Let me rewind a little bit because I was overwhelmed. When me and Divine made our way through Shibuya, I was already at home to see that Shibuya's Cisco Records had a poster for a Large Pro in store a day before my birthday! So many lil surprises like had me beasting (the act of self generating your spirit in a super magnetic method to make things succumb to your will). Xtra P smashed the in store by the way!!!

Regarding Japanese food, it took me a few days to experience a traditional meal because there was just too much networking to do! One highlight was meeting up with an angelic school teacher and venturing to Tokyo Tower (Japan's rendition of the Eiffel Tower). There, we discussed much about life and ate a nice Japanese style meal. I had eel and somen noodles in a nice cool sauce with wasabi. That wasabi forced my face into a stinging frown as I had this feeling that I could truly breathe. Moderation people, moderation is key. My time with my lady friend at the tower was great!

I was lucky enough, through Divine to meet Hide, who's an incredibly talented producer that scores DVDs and was interested in recording with us. We tore up the studio and were treated hours later to another tradition Japanese meal of soft tofu, somen noodles, chicken, eggplant and cakes! S much food. That meal was the best I've had in a very long time. So big up Hide's mom for throwing it down in the kitchen. Much respect to both his parents and Bono (his dog, that was so well trained, he was chilling like another relative, very smart dog). Watching Berry Gordy's Last Dragon you damn right I, as a black man, know how to freak the chop sticks so each time I ate, I had to show the skills. Not like it's tough once you get the hang of it.

To rap this up quickly, because the entire experience is documented on video and should be out on DVD via Day By Day Entertainment late 2006, my hotel seemed like the perfect headquarters ala the "batcave." Yahoo cafe, 80 bowling lanes (no exaggeration), an aquarium, Imax theatre, a nice shopping mall, 24/7 cafe to eat what your stomach craves, subway right across the street, my room on the 37th floor with one wall being nothing but glass to overlook the entire city. The Divine gift of goen coins, the shock proof hotel which swayed with shockwaves from the earthquakes that week, the fresh air, the beautiful faces, smiles and shyness of many Japanese women, the cleanliness of the subway big up the Yomonote Line! And the courteous people who always (in my experience) said arigato gozaimasu! This trip was the soul reason I escaped the sometimes baneful pinch of NYC and ventured out. I didn't even mention how much love Xtra P got up in Club Duo, the production lessons I learned building with Divine, the curiosity and acceptance of the free CDs, Hasan Salaam and American Hunger Flyers!

I love Japan for showing the energy right back to me! Lastly, the skill level of the singers, the emcees, dancers, and producers is so by the book. The way the emcees rock the stage, all of them have dope stage shows even the ones that don't even have a big name. All the DJs are nasty. It's like everyone studied the American form of hip hop to a T! While there, I was like wow, so many Americans can learn from the youth who still know who D Nice and Large Pro are and still give respect and have knowledge of the legends that birthed this incredible lifestyle!

The PURPOSE of this trip to reiterate…:

This past summer I was at a point in my life where many of my responsibilities here in NYC have become extremely heavy and burdensome and I was tired of carrying them. I wanted to go somewhere where it was hard to see someone that looked like me, or spoke like me. I wanted to feel lost yet stand out at the same time. There is much about NYC that is hard to express in words but sometimes, your individuality is compromised here because of many preconceived notions people hold for you. If you dress this way, you must be that, if you wear that you must be this. Actually, every place on earth, most likely, is like that. BUT I felt Japan represented some similarities with me via hip hop, yet many differences culturally to fulfill my thirst for something brand new… It's ill because there's karaoke but no poetry open mic spots from what I know in Japan. Do y'all see what I mean???

You probably don't... haha...

If you can make it to Nihon with an open mind you will experience too much good to even document with words. I encourage everyone to jump in and be lost in translation like I am now. I may go back next month. Big Up Club Bed, Club Eggman, Northwest, 99 in Ikebukuro, Addy the Buffalo Soldier I met there, Monohon and GKM, Large Pro, MF GRIMM, Hikari Tachibana, Meiko, Divine Life, Gemba from DJ Honda's Team, Osamu, Maguma MC NOB and to all the spots and people in Japan, Tokyo, Shinagawa and Shibuya I may now have mentioned. I cannot dictate in words all that I saw. Just know out of the 7 days I was there, maybe 2 good nights of rest I had, so you know there's a good handful of stories!

P.S. For the people of color, I am gonna say this once. Life is too short. To grow, we gotta explore. Please don't be jealous of each other for trying to get out and learn more about the world. We gotta support each other and enhance our lives with what we've learned.

uhmmmm.. hell yeah

Recently I got a lil more paper and felt like there are some artists I want to support. To me there's nothing like getting good music and venturing through the CD booklets...

Below are 2 albums I got from Fat Beats NYC yesterday.. I'm happy with the artwork and the actual music. The below albums are much needed vitamins for my soul...considering i haven't been listening to any other hip hop except what I'm creating each day :-)

TELL me why i looked in my fatbeats bag after a long night to open up the CDs to read the booklets
and there was an extra autographed RZA CD booklet in there.. just chilling?
i'm like damn yo...did this somehow get in my bag by accident???
cuz the actual CD has a booklet in it already...

man this was cool!

So.. i got a RZA autograph too.. Just in case the online fans want the music.. visit below to get it from

LASTLY.. enjoy this poem.. i wrote it when my relationship with a Grandmaster started to crash and burn.. from January 2007 onward.i was on my own.. no longer had the team that I dreamed was gonna make it to the top!

Outer orbit
So many stuck morbid
Sick and cold as fuk
The result of how the storm gets

Check how the soul's proportioned
Does your boy really got ur back
Or is he thinking how to off him

The "him" is you
As you float out in the deep blue
With no life jacket and
The weight of grief strapped to ur shoes

How does the see water taste
The see water waves
And you see water grave
As the see water craves

To act like the sea and drown your way
The enzymes blind your eyes stuck like paste
So many deceiving
The mind goes to waste

No time for reading
Everyone on some nosferatu vibe
….Ready for feeding

The new grounds for breeding
Are right outside your window freezing
The cold streets of NY State
Will leaving your heart bleeding

The conscious burns quickly in the inferno
To do good or bad for good reasons
But being true to urself is real worth yo

The worms inside of the fruit make the big apple rotten
Timeless are memories
Quickly forgotten
Some wanna show me a good hand
And I extend mine
In an effort to understand
And when I pull it back
It's mauled off cuz I thought I
Understood that man

Numerology says 9
Concerned for the world, I try to imitate the divine
As I focus my time

Can those truly outshine
Wat was not meant to shine
Is any type of fame
Really what's on my mind

Friendships last long
But a good word about who you are
Remains strong
Amongst a circle of associates
With hopes long gone

Is it wrong
To experience and live
When real paradise is in the mind
Why can't these motherfuckers see this shit

4th dimension
My dreams start extending
Into the 3rd to make sure
My life here is properly rendered

Can't remember
The last time things truly felt right
i continue to lay my all on the line
regardless how many times I get
knocked on my behind

I'm just coasting
Like Steve Prefontaine

Friday, January 23, 2009

book meme

* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next few sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the closest.

Vampire Hunter D - Mysterious Journey to the North Sea (part two)
by Hideyuki Kikuchi

"Not the real Shin, who sat before him, but the likeness of him on the artist's bizarre canvas. 'You may have some use for me, but I have no such use for you. Listen to me well. Leave this inn without saying a word, and find some lonely cliff from which to hurl yourself. And you're not to swim. See to it that you die.'"

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hideyuki's writing is just funny! He's nasty with the pen! This exercise was presented to me early this year by a great Eudemon

you should try it!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Notorious 2009 - the film about Biggie Smalls


I think the creators of the Biggie Movie really pulled it off! I think that the directors really nailed the general idea of what kind of person B.I.G was in the span of 2 hours and 2 minutes. As a fan, and an artist, I've heard so many industry stories, tales, legends and rumors. So, so many. I am sure people will b*tch about how certain parts of his life did not come up in this film BUT I am extremely happy with the outcome.

I'm not too, too critical when it comes to cinema, because at the end of the day, there's always someone saying, the movie is missing this or that! In my mind, I try to be objective.

If a film is entertaining with a cohesive story, I don’t mind paying $10 to see it to support it (hehe if only people felt this way about my hip hop albums.. soooon darnit..soooon!) The whole point is to be entertained by things on the big screen. This of course gets really sketchy when it comes to comic book stories turn movies but in that regard, I am generally just happy to see the images from the book on the big screen God willing it’s done, somewhat right!

Anyways, I am proud. The movie came out about 11 years after B.I.G passed. He was a hero for NYC Hip Hop and Brooklynites alike because he represented a lot of kids who lived the same kind of life he was living and if it wasn’t them personally, they knew of someone like him, a friend or family member. He had the appeal of a people’s champ and that’s exactly what he was to many. Not to mention how RAW the 90s was. All the crews, running sooooo deep in the streets. Timberland boots, army jackets. Damn.. NYC was very tough back then. You had to be tough to survive. Around this time, 90-95 I used to pray to God everyday that not to be shot. Gun play wasn't that heavy but what people went through back then, please were live wires, I guess very much like today.. but there was a certain roughness that was oozing in the streets...maybe because the police presence on the streets wasn't as much as it is not. I digress. B.I.G was a hero because he was around that environment, he was a product of that environment, and he changed. He changed his way of life and tried to walk a different path, pushing music instead of what he was pushing earlier on :-) The movie was such a great rewind. There was some footage of the 90s that appears in the film. I won't say exactly what it was because I don't want to spoil it. BUT it was great to see the 90s captured on video camera again, on the strength of B.I.G.

I feel like all the actors that were picked did such a great, great job! Biggie's son, junior showed up in the film to play a young version of his legendary father AND BOY did he do a great job acting! For his playing the role of his father... God Bless that boy! haha.. he rocked it! I didn't realize it was him until the credits rolled! Damn...I might have to pay and see this again. It was really that good.

Rest In Peace B.I.G
I am proud to have bought your wax, party and bullsh*t when it first dropped... for me that was 1992 or 93, I still have that wax!